A colleague recently said how difficult it can be to defend one’s point of view in the face of disagreement. That resonates. The very idea of heated debate inspires some pensive butterflies, especially when a level of political vitriol can potentially be involved.
Two ideas come to mind to prepare before and during a disagreement:
- Practice your views on-camera and when the stakes are low.
- Assert a greater vocal tone and ask two specific questions.
Many people have expressed being caught off guard in a contrarian conversation with colleagues, bosses, or clients. If only a fortune teller app came with mobile phones to forecast when disagreements will occur… What can help self-assertion though (and adrenaline management) is to spend 5 minutes a week – or day! – expressing opinions to a video camera. A mobile phone camera works great. Nothing replaces live-time engagement with humans certainly, but fortifying one’s clarity of mind when the stakes are low through regular on-camera practice increases resolve (…for when the more vulnerable, live-time debates arise). Client and friend communities describe this type of video practice as incredibly useful. It’s one reason I like to stick my mug in front of a camera to video blog: it creates a practice forum with adrenaline.
When in a heated disagreement, certainly there can be many variables and influences in play.
If the other contender in your debate or stressed conversation is in a constant-talking-without-pause mode, consider looking them in the eye and saying in an assertive, respectful, and deepened tone: “Could I ask you one question?”
When they pause to take a breath, ask them what is the most important point they want you to hear. After their reply, clarify their response and then ask a second question: “Would you listen to my main concern as well?”
When typing this out, it looks simplistic and a little corny; but it is alarming how many levels of discord occur when rants are indulged endlessly. There’ve been a few times when the tension was so high (happened to be on the phone), that I asked to call them back in 10 minutes to resume conversation. Punctuation of thought and a request for permission can help with rebuilding hopes for allegiance. It can advance comprehension of either sides point.
What helps make heated conversations or disagreements more productive in your view? And in the meantime, peace be with you!
For fun with disagreements: 100 second video story
In the spirit of disagreements, I just discovered a beef I have with good ole Mark Twain of yonder year. He was once quoted as saying “the ugliest building in America was the Old Executive Office Building” in Washington, DC. Well I couldn’t disagree more, with some more fun assertion in the above clip.
